Can I be honest for a second? I feel pretty foolish re-reading my last blog. Don't get me wrong, I think it was decently well written (especially considering it was done with one hand on an iphone and the other supporting a baby on my boob), and captured my birth story well. However, the part where I announced that labor was the hardest thing I’ve ever done made me laugh at my former self. Don’t get me wrong, labor was hard. However, I would re-do it every week if I could somehow bypass the sleep deprivation/breastfeeding on demand/postpartum mood swing filled days of caring for a brand new baby. The first few weeks with Frankie? Hands down, the new hardest thing I've ever done!
|A more realistic depiction of daily life.|
My mom left at the end of June, and I think I would have actually lost it without her support during Frankie’s early days. She constantly reassured me that Frankie was actually a very easy baby, and that I was lucky to have breastfeeding begin so seamlessly. Even with that knowledge, I found the first few weeks to be so incredibly difficult. Not sleeping more than 2 hours straight, combined with breastfeeding on demand at roughly the same time intervals, plus the soreness/bleeding/etc that comes after you push a human out of your body, left me in tears several times. How do people with less help/more challenging babies/multiple children actually do it? I have no idea.
I feel bad writing this because it seems there is no shortage of privileged moms complaining on the internet these days. Maybe I’m just writing for myself again. To have a written reminder that things will get easier and that in many ways, they already are. For example, Frankie has generously given us a few five hour stretches of sleep in the past week. I also started pumping and giving a bottle to Jesse so that I could get out of the house (going to Costco felt like a spa vacation, but that's a post for another day). I figured out how to get Frankie in and out of the infant carrier all by myself (for someone with zero experience with babies prior to her arrival, these small victories are significant to me). I even broke a 20 minute mile on my morning walk with her!
|This took me an hour to figure out.|
Speaking of walking, many people have asked me if I'm running again. My sleep deprived postpartum self had zero interest anything more than a nap during the first few weeks of Frankie's life, but I'm finally turning a corner. My walks are getting longer, and I'm less satisfied with a low heart rate than I used to be. I can feel the urge to run, but am trying to be smart and take a few more weeks off. I've started adding in some core training to prepare my body for the miles, and dreaming of long runs with friends again. Maybe someday, I'll even race with my daughter my cheering me on.
|Morning walks are saving my sanity!|
Being a mother feels like a life of contradictions. One moment I consider ending my maternity leave early, and the next I never want leave my daughter’s side. I can't wait to get out of the house, then can't wait to see her when I come home. I miss my old life, but have never been more excited about the future. There are so many things I can't wait to do with Frankie. Now, if I can just get her to sleep through the night :).
|Family photo thanks to Jen Bee photography|